Monday, January 10, 2005

Jace = Menacing?

Well, I was in a real foul mood earlier today and decided to look for some trouble in my area. I just wanted to get into a nice brawl for some odd reason. Honestly, I can't even remember why I was PO'ed. Well, in the 3 hours I spent wandering around my area, nobody, I repeat, NOBODY, dared to fight me and that was even with me provoking them. I'm not sure if it was my aura or body language but something made the kids feel that I shouldn't be messed with.

Now that I think about it, I find it very amusing because if any of you have seen my picture, I do not look the menacing/scary type. Hell, I look like a good boy. So, I guess that this is just one of those things that you learn about yourself as time goes by.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Old Man Jace, Part One.

In my most recent blog entry, I mentioned that I felt old and out of place after a few events. Well, I sort of pushed that issue aside for a few days and today, after talking to a good friend of mine, the very same issue came up and this time I felt that I could no longer ignore it. Too many things have frozen solid in my chest and I am no longer in the mood to be depressed over something that I feel that I have no obligations anymore.

Of Love, I decided that I will not jump into this 'love' business hastily as I did in the past. I have no forsaken it but I will be more cautious of it as I have seen it affect me in very bad ways. 'Like' is safer and better way to see if I 'Love' that person. I'm not going to turn into some desperate person that jumps the gun when it comes to 'Love'. So, even though I'm supposed to be doing a lot of hunting and having tons of fun, I've decided that a barrier of good thickness should be set up before I commit myself to anything. Breaking up has in ways lifted the fog that covered my mind's eye. Well, the good thing is I'm no longer hung-up on my ex but the only thing that still decides to bother me are my memories and that is something that can only fade away with time. For now, I've got better things to do than mull around this subject.

Friendship, an old friend that I haven't seen in 2 years came back and made me realize that no matter how much I fuck up, I know that I have people standing behind me, to cover me and to make sure that I don't turn into a porcupine. Some lost friendships, thankfully, are being slowly mended and I'm incredibly grateful of this. I've been giving my friends a good amount of respect compared to me 2-3 years ago when I decided that friendships were nothing more than having fun, strawberries and cream kind of friendships. Well, friendship is a serious thing although some may find it hard to see it in that light. I'll give everyone a good amount of respect as long as I receive the same. The less I give means that you've been giving me less too. It's the barter system only dealing with emotions. You could be a cute, stupid and naive person when I first become friends with you and maybe 1-2 years down the road you turn into a stupid bitch or something of that level but I'll give you the same amount of respect as I did when I first met you if you do the same. If you give me more, I'll give you more. I feel that this is a rather sensitive entry and so those who feel offended, ask yourselves this,

"Why Are You Offended?"

Is it the stinging truth in my words? Is it the fact that I have no 'right' to say things about people? Well, reality is harsh and the things that I say are just feelings turned into words and sentences. Nothing more, nothing less.

Those who question themselves, "Am I still Jace/Amir's friend?", I think you need to see if you've done anything that made me reduce the amount of respect I give you.

Those who do not doubt that you are my friend, good for you because, You are my friend. Through and through.

That's all that I can wring out of my mind and heart. I bid you all, farewell.