Sunday, December 30, 2007

It's been too long.

Yes it has. Dear god.

Watch this space.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Adrelanine Shot To The Heart.

I just felt that this blog should be revived. Even though LJ has the convenience of "The Friends List" and of course, Semagic helps updating entries so much easier but my blogger account has so much more sentimental value and it feels nice.

Xaph, if you read this, think you're up to the job of helping me facelift this blog?

So, watch this space fellow sentient beings.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Growing Up And Then Some More...

Note: This was originally posted on my LiveJournal I decided that it was good enough to post on my blogger. I sort of wanted to spread it around to those who don't visit my LJ.

'tis been a long time since I got into the mood to right something thoughful and well, hopefully something nice. This is most probably gonna be one of my rare serious posts. Don't expect much but I'm just in the mood to write something good.

I guess I'll begin by saying that I'm not in a depressed or bummed out mood. This isn't one of those depressed-so-i'm-gonna-blog-so-I-can-get-it-out-of-my-system post. It's about things that I've noticed in the years that I've been alive and well, growing.

I'm nineteen, hardly an adult, nor am I a snotty nosed brat. I can proudly say that I've seen my share of what the world can throw at you. Well, in the past few days I've begun to realize that the fact that I'm going to face one hell of a challenge (by God, or by the powers that be.) has made me realize, no matter how old or ancient I feel, I'm still but a mere child. I don't have a career, I don't have a family that I have to support. Yes, that will come in good time. However, that made me think, "Did I make the most of my carefree childhood/teenage years?"

I first thought I did, then, my brain decided to think a bit more and I realized that I didn't. My wild chase after this so-called "Adult Life" was nothing more than a waste. Yeah, I'm more or less mature, but not enough. I forsee that I'm gonna be forced to stand on my own two feet very very soon and the trials and tribulations of it will be tough as nails. I'm not sure if I'm thinking to deep into this but I sure as hell realize that a good amount of people I know have yet to see this. Some think that age shows how mature they are, some even use it as a way to command others. That's a load of bull. I've seen people older than me act like kids. It's fine if you admit that you're still immature, hell, I admit that I'm still a fledgling. It's all cool as long as you realize it. Those who don't... well, that's just sad. You gotta admit that you have a problem before you solve it.

Then comes the case of loneliness. For the record, I'm not talking about myself here, it concerns a close friend of mine. I used to be lonely, it took a lot of time to come to terms with it and it took an even longer time to realize who were my friends. Those that are there for you. Those who care. Those that become your moral compass. As one friend put it, "I don't have a lot of friends BUT I have a lot of accquaintances." That's a nice quote.

How do you define the feeling of being 'lonely'? Do you need a girlfriend/boyfriend? Do you need someone to lean on? Do you need people to constantly see you and talk to you? Having a significant other is great, but it ain't the ultimate solution. I prefer to have people who you can rely on in times of need. For example, let's say I had a bad day, I post it on my blog, the most I'll get is maybe a reply that goes:-

  • Awww.... *huggles j00*

  • Damn man, I know how you feel, keep it tight yo.

  • Take it easy brother.

Something like that. Yeah, it's sort of good. Then there are those who are amazing, those who rarely comment and say something long and thoughtful. Those who read it and call you up. Those who send you a private message asking if you're alright. Those are rare gems. Mates that touch the center of your heart and make you feel warm and fuzzy. You don't even have to maintain constant contact with them but the connection is there. You click. Those are the ones you keep for life. Maybe, if the fates decide so, you might lose a few, but there'll still be a connection, a bond, it might not be as strong as last time but it's still there, waiting to be strengthened again.

Well, think about it. I may sound like I'm not making much sense but to me, it makes perfect sense. This post came to light due to a friend feeling lonely. I'll just say this to ya mate, you might lose a moral compass but time will be the judge of that. Yeah, you are one of the lucky few who stuck with me through thick and thin. I have a lot of people who are my moral compass coz I'm the type who values his friends. So, you, my brother, should chill and find a way to start helping yourself.

Peace out.

Here's a funny quote that popped to mind,

" PS: That's what the alphabet would be without Q and R. "

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Sleep comes to the lucky bastards.

Indeed it does. I'm lucky when it comes to certain things but sleep has always been one of the few things that I rarely luck out on. Ah well, it was about time I did a blog entry. Most of the time I post some random things on my LiveJournal. I would usually reserve this blog for more thoughtful entries but for today, I'll turn a blind eye.

I'm currently wondering what's troubling me to the point that I can't really sleep despite the fatigue within me. I would light up a cigarette but I'm forcing myself to stop at Death Stick #6 which is a tremendous jump for me. A pack of 20s a day to a mere 6 sticks a day. Wundebar. I'm wondering if the fact that one of my best friends is leaving for Australia in just a few more days is bumming me out but I believe that his three month holiday definately made me realize who I really am and who my friends are. He's part of circle of friends that pulled me out of my depression and also on of the major links in the Melawati group of friends. Well, we had fun and it's time to go on with real life I suppose.

Then there's a slight hint of loneliness (I can hear countless people telling me to take it easy and not rush into another relationship. ::grins:: ) Well, that's terribly true but I guess I miss having somebody special but meh, Lady Luck will smile at me once more........eventually. My first real relationship was all about luck anyways. So, I suppose that luck/chance will play another significant part in the next one.

I'm rambling on and on. I wonder if I sound like I'm whining? A blog is a blog I suppose, anything that comes to mind should be put to pen and paper, figuratively speaking of course. Heh, I just realized that from a mindless rant about my inability to sleep has turned into what I feel about things now. Amazing. It's like having a conversation with myself. Well, it's true that I have a certain inner voice that I converse with but haven't heard much from him in awhile. Yes, there's Jace and then there's Amir. Amir is the physical being while Jace is supposedly this wise sentient being that lives in Amir's brain. That's about it.

Well, I should stop rambling now. I feel so.... mentally unstable? ::grins::

By the way, I picked up two music CDs recently, one being DJ Krush - ? -jaku- and the other is a Drum N Bass CD, mixed by Timecode. Both are great and are my current obsessions. One for chilling and one to pump me up. Brilliant.

Peace Out.